185
Continued from page 165…
Monday, July 27th, 1987, 9:07 P.M.
JANE
I think I can figure most
of it out, now, at this
point.
KATHY
Oh? And how do
you figure?
JANE
Come on, Kathy.
Gimme a little more credit
than that. You just told me
that the guy croaked in the
warehouse.. and he ended up
in Belinda’s bed.. in her
bedroom… It’s obvious that
someone moved the body…
I’m assuming it wasn’t you.
KATHY
Uh, no, it definitely
was not me.
JANE
Well, then.. Sounds to me like
Rocco picked up one end..
Probably the heavy end… And
Charlotte picked up the feet…
and they threw him into the trunk
of the limo.. and drove him over
to the mansion… and dragged this
dead-weight, lifeless body upstairs
and into Belinda’s bedroom…
without anyone noticing, mind you…
and chucked him into Belinda’s bed..
without her noticing.
KATHY
(shrugs)
Pretty nifty, huh?
JANE
It’s fucking bullshit, Kathy.
And you know it.
KATHY
(feeling guilty)
Yeah, I know it is.
JANE
Charlotte had no right to do that…
Put someone else’s life in jeopardy
to save her own… I don’t care what
you told me about her.. so-called
condition.
KATHY
I know, I know…
And I’m not tryin’ to make any
excuses here… But I think it was
her lame attempt at trying to
wiggle out of a tense situation…
I mean, her back was really against
the wall… She had to think on her
feet, like, pretty.. Pronto Tonto…
She knew she couldn’t just dump the
body anywhere… She had to put it
somewhere to give herself time to
think… And that’s all she could come
up with at the time.
JANE
(befuddled)
I don’t know…
I just don’t know…
Part of me wants to scream at her the
next time I see her… And part of me
wants to say ‘way to go… You saved
our butts.’
KATHY
Oh, believe me, I screamed at her
already.. I did enough screaming for
the both of us.
JANE
When was this?
KATHY
The day she told me!
When she told me about Khudobin,
and the body, and the heart attack,
and everything.. she also told me about
her sickness… All at the same time!
JANE
Wow.. that’s a lot of information to
process at the same time.
KATHY
(sarcastically)
Yes, it is, Jane..
It most certainly is…
Thank God I’m so head-strong.. or
I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.
Ya’ know.. My superior intelligence
and all.
JANE
We’ve all admired your big
brain, Kath.. Along with all the
other big things on your body.
Kathy takes a few
seconds to glare at
Jane.
KATHY
You better be talkin’
about my boobs.
JANE
(smiling)
You got a fifty-fifty shot
here, don’t you?
KATHY
Beware of thine acid
tongue, my dear… It may
come back to haunt you.
Our two lovelies engage
in a staring contest as
they sip their Scotch.
JANE
So…
Tell me…
Did you vote in favor of Charlotte
that day because you panicked..
like the rest of us… or because you
figured you would just put your
trust in her that she knew what she
was doing?
KATHY
Uhhh, neither, actually.
JANE
What do you mean?
KATHY
Well, think about it, Jane..
When Charlotte flipped over that
body.. she knew what my reaction
was gonna be… And I had to stand
there.. amongst all of you… and
pretend like I didn’t recognize the
guy.
JANE
Eww, that’s right…
That musta’ been pretty hard.
KATHY
Ya’ fuckin-aye right, it was!
Jane, I was standing there like
the rest of you guys… Standing
there thinking that Belinda
fucked a guy to death!
JANE
I could see that happening…
I’m surprised it hasn’t happened
already.
KATHY
It already has.. in a way.
JANE
What are you talking about?
KATHY
Remember that guy from Pomona?
She saw him a couple of times…
Then he ran away and joined a circus
and got trampled by an elephant.
JANE
Ohhh, that’s right…
Poor guy.
KATHY
Yeah, well, from what I understand,
he ended up with a huge settlement..
and a lifetime supply of peanuts.
JANE
How did you keep from fainting when
you saw it was Khudobin? I couldn’t
tell anything from your reaction.
KATHY
Because I’m a good actress, Jane.
I’m trained to improvise.
JANE
You’re not trained to improvise.
All our shows are scripted.
KATHY
Hey.. I improvise more that any of you
on the set.. I have the crew cracking-up
more than anyone.
JANE
You also have the crew breaking up
more than anyone… We have to wait
for your pampered ass a lot during
the day.
KATHY
Do you want me to
kick you outta’ here?
JANE
That’s what you get
for bragging.
KATHY
Was I bragging?
JANE
Yes, you were.
KATHY
Okay.. I’m sorry.
JANE
But I still give you credit..
for not making it obvious.
KATHY
It took everything I had to not
let it out, believe me… I just stood
there, like, uhhhh!
What was I gonna do? There was my
guy.. Dead as a doornail… I knew
right away that Charlotte was behind it…
There was no other explanation. She
was behind it somehow… And when she
looked at me.. She didn’t even crack a
smile… No expression on her face
whatsoever.. She was cold as ice.
JANE
That’s why we determined that she
might not have been herself at that
time.
KATHY
When did we determine that?
JANE
You and me!
Fifteen minutes ago..
I asked you if you thought that she
was her other personality during this
whole fiasco.. and you couldn’t…
KATHY
(cuts her off)
Oh, that’s right, I’m sorry…
Sorry, sorry, sorry… Ugh..
I’ve probably had too
much to drink. I can’t keep
track of my own thoughts.
JANE
It’s alright…
And I couldn’t decide whether
that was enough to forgive her
for doing that to Belinda.
KATHY
And now, what do
you think?
JANE
Well.. I hate to say it..
but Charlotte did probably save
our butts… Her quick thinking—
as you put it— more or less
decided our fates for us… I mean..
It’s not her fault that the guy had a
heart attack…
KATHY
Not her fault?
JANE
Well, you know what I mean…
She just wanted some information
from the guy, that’s all… In a
Go-Go’s sort of a way, she was just
having a little fun with him, that’s all.
KATHY
Sshh, yeah, right, a little fun…
She threatened to have his fingers
mangled with a pair of pliers.. I’d
have a heart attack, too, if she said
that to me.
JANE
Now I’m the one whose defending
her and you’re not.
KATHY
I’m just saying that this WHOLE
thing coulda’ been avoided if she
just came to me first… When she first
found out about Khudobin.. she coulda’
came to me… She didn’t have to go
behind my back and interrogate the poor
guy… She coulda’ just came to me and I
woulda’ explained the whole thing…
I would have explained that I was worried
about the things that Scandella told me
about the off-shore accounts… It’s no big deal…
When I eventually confronted her in her
office that night, she didn’t fly off the
handle… She explained to me that those
accounts are for tax purposes..
Tax purposes, Jane! We have a dead guy
buried in our back yard because of tax purposes!
That’s extremely fucked-up, Jane!!
JANE
I’d say.
KATHY
Well, I’m glad you’re so
calm about all of this.
JANE
Because it doesn’t
change anything.
Kathy is
listening.
JANE
You getting upset.. or me getting
upset.. or Charlotte acting like a
corporate guru.. doesn’t change
anything… We’re just gonna have
to live with what we got… It’s been
a year now, and nobody has found
any bodies in our back yard…
I’d say we’re probably in the clear.
KATHY
You’re forgetting one thing.
JANE
Uh-oh.
KATHY
Yeah, ‘uh-oh.’
Now we have to sweat things out to
make sure YOUR private detective
doesn’t mess things up.
Jane is
busted again.