30
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
For some reason, I thought I’d open
this entry like a screenplay.
I don’t know —
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saturday, July 25th, 1987, 11:24 P.M.
30. EXT. BACK ALLEY – EVENING
We open with a wide shot of some shipyards at night. The Pacific Ocean is in the background. We presume it is Long Beach, California. The obligatory sounds of foghorns are going off in the distance. We cut to a shot of a typical back alley. Now we hear the sounds of seagulls and bells clanging and waves splashing up against the docks. We zoom in on a figure creeping around the pier apparently looking for someone. It is our own, Miss Jane Wiedlin. Jane is dressed in a full-length trench coat, sunglasses, and a fedora; altogether looking a lot like Secret Squirrel. In fact, given Jane’s diminutive measurables, Secret Squirrel is a pretty accurate description. She is obviously incognito, and being a celebrity, doesn’t want to be recognized. She softly calls out a name.
JANE
Mr. Siegenthaler?
A shadowy figure appears
from the darkness.
JANE
(slightly louder)
Mr. Siegenthaler?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Jane Wiedlin?
Jane is startled. She
lets out a small gasp.
JANE
Yes?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
I’m Jonas Siegenthaler.
Nice to see you again.
JANE
Oh… Whoo! You startled me.
Sorry, I didn’t see you. Hi —
nice to see you again, as well.
They shake hands.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
I’m sorry we have to meet
under these circumstances.
JANE
Yeah, well, I didn’t want
to meet in your office in case
someone recognized me. I also
didn’t want anyone following
me, so I tried to look as
inconspicuous as possible.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Um, if you don’t mind me
saying, Miss Wiedlin,
you’re wearing a trench coat
and sunglasses and a man’s hat…
and it’s the middle of the night.
JANE
Yeah, but I really wanted to
look the part. I’m an
actress, you know.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Very well.
JANE
Do you have the information
that I’m looking for?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
I certainly do… And I
think your going to be
somewhat surprised.
JANE
Oh?
Mr. Sieganthaler reaches
into his inside pocket,
pulls out a folded-up piece
of paper, opens it up and
reads it.
MR. SIEGANTHALER
I’m assuming you’ve heard of a
woman named Kathy Valenteen?
JANE
Tyne.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
(looks at his watch)
It’s about eleven-thirty.
JANE
No..Tine, not Time.. Her name is
Kathy ValenTINE. Not ValenTEEN.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Oh, I’m sorry, my mistake.
JANE
And yes, I know her. Of course,
I know her.. And you know
I know her.. Why would
you ask me a loaded question
like that?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Sorry, just detective lingo…
She’s in your little singing
group, isn’t she?
JANE
We’re not a singing group,
we’re a rock band. Don’t you
watch our program?
Thursday nights? CBS?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
(acknowledges)
The Go-Go’s.
JANE
Yes — The Go-Go’s.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
No.. But my granddaughter
runs around the house
singing your songs.
JANE
There, ya’ see.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Very annoying.
JANE
Of course.
MR. SIEGENTHALER
You see, my wife and I,
we like The Lennon Sisters.
Sometimes, we like to
gather around…
JANE
Mr. Siegenthaler, I hate to
interrupt your scintillating
story, but you said you had
some information on Kathy?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Oh, yes, I’m sorry… Um..
according to my sources..
it seems that Miss Valentine
was the one who hired
Mr. Khudobin.
JANE
(shocked)
What?!! Why would she
do such a thing?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
I don’t know… I was hoping
maybe you could shed some
light on this whole thing.
JANE
No.. I have no idea… Why
would Kathy hire a private detective?
And what was he doing at the
mansion? Who could she be
investigating? Or what could
she be investigating?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
Perhaps someone in
your choral group.
JANE
Would you please stop
referring to us as that?!
I’m sure your granddaughter
would run around the house
singing songs from a choral group!
MR. SIEGENTHALER
I’m sorry, Miss Wiedlin,
I’ll try to remember…
Jane… let me ask you
something… Do you suspect
anyone in your band of
wrongdoing?
JANE
No, of course not…
Unless, it’s… Char…
NOO.. it couldn’t be!
MR. SIEGANTHALER
Who?
JANE
Never mind… Umm,
Mr. Siegenthaler, are you
sure about this information?
Kathy Valentine hired
Anton Khudobin…
You’re sure about that?
MR. SIEGENTHALER
I’m positive… My facts
are as right as rain…
Kathy Valentine hired a
private detective that’s
been missing for over a
year now.