20
Continued from previous page…
CHARLOTTE
(gasps)
Nooo!
JANE
Yeah, and you could tell he
was sorta’ pissed too, cuz’
it looked like we were totally
fuckin’ off and not gettin’
any work done.
CHARLOTTE
Omigod, I am gonna hear
about this tomorrow…
That’s it, I quit. I quit the show.
I quit the band. I’m outta’ here.
I’m movin’ to Montana.
JANE
Charlotte, just chill out.
Everything’s okay. We
finished the scene and
everything’s cool. Just chill.
You don’t have to quit everything..
You don’t have to move
to Montana.. Mr. Frank Zappa.
CHARLOTTE
So, what happened?
JANE
Nothing! He pulled Paul off
to the side.. and they were
talkin’ about some shit,
I don’t know, and then.. Kronwall
let out this big laugh and
he just walked away… and
everything seemed cool after that.
Paul is not intimidated
by him. He knows how to smooth
things out with everybody.
CHARLOTTE
And he just walked away
and never came back?
JANE
Yeah, I’m tellin’ ya, Char,
everything’s cool… Paul
shit-canned that tire kicking
part.. and we changed a few
things around.. and it came out
better than ever. Trust me,
America will love it.
CHARLOTTE
(relieved)
Okay… Okay, good. I feel better.
JANE
So, you’re good?
CHARLOTTE
Yeah, yeah, I’m okay…
For now… How’s Kathy?
JANE
Oh, she’s fine. We went to lunch
at the commissary after that, and she
used her toe as an excuse to load up
on her plate pretty good. After her
second dessert, she was happy as a lark.
I talked to Bob Newhart for a while.
He likes our show.
CHARLOTTE
Good… At least Kathy didn’t
have to go to the hospital.
JANE
Nah, she’s tougher than that…
And I don’t understand something.
Why would you be in trouble
for something that had nothing
to do with you? You totally
kick ass at your job.
CHARLOTTE
Cuz’ he blames me for everything!
Especially with you guys.
Anytime anything goes wrong
with you guys, he’s always like,
“You and your BAND MEMBERS.”
And I’m like, “Yeah, motherfucker,
those are my band members. And they
take precedence over you
and your fucking show any day
of the week and twice on Sundays.
JANE
Ooh, Charlotte, now
I’m the creamiest.
CHARLOTTE
Well, anyway… I’m just glad
everything turned out okay.
What happened after that?
Anything?
JANE
Fuck if I know.
After lunch, I split.
CHARLOTTE
Really?
JANE
Yeah, there wasn’t any more
scenes for me to do, so I got the
hell outta’ there. I stopped at
the drugstore to get my
happy pills, and I was
home by, like… 2:45?
CHARLOTTE
You’re really not
supposed to do that.
JANE
You’re not gonna tell
on me, are you?
CHARLOTTE
No, of course not.
JANE
Besides, you’re one of
the bosses. I just
confessed to you.
CHARLOTTE
Damn. That must be nice.
JANE
What?
CHARLOTTE
Gettin’ home early
like that.
JANE
Aw, Charlotte, I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to rub it in.
CHARLOTTE
No, no, no, that’s cool.
I’m happy for you. At
least one of us gets
to lead a normal life.
JANE
Just think, in a couple more years,
we won’t have to do this shit anymore.
We can just kick back and watch
the reruns for the rest of our lives.
Won’t that be cool to flip through
the channels and see us on WGN?
CHARLOTTE
Yeah.. I have to admit,
I am looking forward to that.
I can watch em’ with my kids.
JANE
There, ya’ see… AND.. if it makes
you feel any better, my
butt is really sore.
CHARLOTTE
What? Where did that come from?
Why is your butt sore?
JANE
I was just tryin’ to cheer you up.
CHARLOTTE
I appreciate that, but
why is your butt sore?
JANE
Cuz’ when I got home from work,
I rode my bike around the neighborhood..
and I went up some really steep hills and
now my ass is really sore.