139
Continued from previous page…
CHARLOTTE
Oh, hi, Suff..
Swingin’ party ya’ got here.
SUFFY
Thanks. I’m the hostess
with the Hostess. We’ve
got some Ding Dongs
over there.
CHARLOTTE
No, thanks.
SUFFY
So.. What were y’all talkin’
about over here? I could
sense that you were talkin’
about me.
KATHY
How did you sense that?
Suffy gives her
the look.
KATHY
Oh, that’s right, I forgot.
You’re L.A.’s version of
Samantha Stevens.
Suffy looks
towards Charlotte
for the answer to
her question.
CHARLOTTE
Oh, nothin.’
Just.. girl talk.
SUFFY
Ooh, my favorite
subject.
CHARLOTTE
We were just remarking
on your.. eclectic.. group of
friends, that’s all.
KATHY
Yeah, Suffy. I can never
get over what a.. colorful
group of characters you
associate with. Do I know
any of them?
SUFFY
Oh, come on, Kathy. You’ve
met a lot of my friends
before… That’s Leilani The
Lizard… That’s Shoshana of
Sheba… That’s Carl of Compton…
Actually, he’s just sort of
a loser.
KATHY
(interrupting)
Yeah, yeah, I’ve met a lot of
them before… I was just
concerned that you might..
whip out a Ouija Board or
something like that, and
scare the shit out of me.
Suffy drapes
her arm on
Kathy’s
shoulder.
SUFFY
Oh, now don’t you worry
your rugged, little face about
my shenanigans. We’re not
gonna do anything that you
don’t feel comfortable with..
Right, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
Right.
KATHY
Good.. Good…
I mean.. there’s no reason to
pull out an Ouija Board, right?
Cuz,’ I mean.. ya’ know..
Belinda’s not here and all.
SUFFY
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho…
I sense some hostility
in your voice.
KATHY
(annoyed)
What?
SUFFY
I sense some jealousy in
the tone of your voice.
KATHY
Oh, you do, do you?
SUFFY
Yes, I do…
Don’t worry, Kathy.
Belinda and I don’t fool
around like that anymore…
You can have her
all to yourself.
KATHY
(furious)
Oh, will everyone please just
give that a rest !!!
What the hell !!
Charlotte !!
Why do people keep saying that?!
CHARLOTTE
(calmly, snidely)
Because you two are always
sneakin’ off together..
We don’t know what you’re
doin’ … You know how people
talk.
SUFFY
Yeah, you know how
people ‘tawk.’
Kathy is clearly
frustrated. She
snaps at Suffy
and imitates her
accent.
KATHY
Oh, do you know
how people ‘tawk?’
Stay out of this, Suffy.
It doesn’t concern you.
SUFFY
Why doesn’t it concern me?
I’m in the band too.
Kathy and
Charlotte
look at each
other
in shock.
KATHY
What do you mean,
you’re in the band, too?
SUFFY
I thought I was an
honorary member
of The Go-Go’s?
Kathy and
Charlotte’s
mouths are
wide open.
CHARLOTTE
Uhh.. well.. uhh..
That’s never been officially
established, there, Suffy…
Who told you, you were
an honorary member of
The Go-Go’s?
SUFFY
Jane did.
CHARLOTTE
She did?
SUFFY
Uh-huh…
Well.. not in so many words…
CHARLOTTE
Not in so many words?
What exactly did she say?
SUFFY
She said I was definitely
up for consideration.
Kathy and
Charlotte
have changed
their
dispositions.
KATHY
(sarcastically)
I’d call that
a big “yes.”
CHARLOTTE
(fumbling)
Uh, yeah, uh,
Sure! Suffy! Why not?!
You’re definitely up for
consideration! Just like
Jane said…
(laughs nervously)
Oh, that Jane…
What a character!
The three of them
start laughing
sardonically. Then
they stop with
awkward silence.
SUFFY
(tauntingly)
Cuz’ … Ya’ know…
If I can’t become a member
of the band… I just might have
to cast a spell on one of you.
The three of them
start laughing again
at the absurdity of
this notion. Then,
Kathy and Charlotte
stop abruptly and
look at each other.
CHARLOTTE
(stunned)
Can you really do that?
SUFFY
Fuck, yeah, I can do it…
I cast a spell on a girl just
last week… And now she
has a lousy credit rating.
KATHY
(pained)
Ooh.. ouch.. That sounds
awful.. Please don’t do that
to me. I was thinkin’ about
getting a whole new bedroom
set.
SUFFY
I just don’t see why there
should be any hesitation?
There’s no reason why I shouldn’t
be a member of the band…
I can play an instrument,
ya’ know.
KATHY
Playing the castanets
doesn’t count, Suffy.
SUFFY
I’m also your spiritual
advisor, Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE
(confused)
Did I say that?
SUFFY
Well.. I’m Jane and Belinda’s
spiritual advisor.. It only
makes sense that I be yours, too.
And yours, too, Kathy.
KATHY
Uh, I don’t need a spiritual
advisor, Suff. I get all my
spirits out of a can.
SUFFY
What about you, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
Uh, sure, Suffy..
You can be my spiritual
advisor…
What the heck…
I suppose I got a few.. demons
in my body I need to get rid of.
Charlotte glances
over at Kathy.
Kathy smiles back.
SUFFY
Perfect..
You know, I want you to
know, Charlotte.. that..
anything that you tell me..
is strictly confidential…
I’m sworn to secrecy just
like a priest and his penitent.
Charlotte again
glances over at
Kathy. They both
now have serious
looks on their
faces.
CHARLOTTE
(looking at Kathy)
Thank you, Suffy…
I just might take you
up on that.
KATHY
(deflecting)
Uh, say there, Suff…
I meant to ask you—
What kind of a name
is German?
SUFFY
(glaring)
Are you kidding me?
My last name is German,
and you’re wondering
what my ethnicity is?
I thought you were
smarter than that.
KATHY
Uh, well, it’s just that you
pronounce it “hair-monn.”
I thought maybe it was
Portuguese or something.
SUFFY
No, it’s German.
KATHY
Verzeihung.
I’m sorry.
CHARLOTTE
(back to business)
So.. uh.. Suffy…
Are you sure this hypnotist
of yours is top-of-the-line?
I mean— I am getting my
money’s worth, aren’t I?
SUFFY
Oh, yeah, definitely.
He came highly recommended
by a couple of close friends
of mine.
CHARLOTTE
Are these friends reliable?
SUFFY
Absolutely. They scam tourists
by playing three-card-monte
down on The Boulevard.
Charlotte and
Kathy are both
stunned.
KATHY
Sounds legit to me.
CHARLOTTE
No.. what I mean is—
Does he have a license?
SUFFY
Not at the moment, no…
He ran into a shopping cart
over at Ralphs when he was
a little buzzed… But it was
private property, so he got
off with a lesser…
CHARLOTTE
(cutting her off)
No, I meant—
Does he have a license
to practice hypnosis?
SUFFY
Oh, you don’t need a
license to practice
hypnosis.. You just have
to know how to rock a
pocket-watch back and
forth.
Charlotte and
Kathy continue
to be shocked.
CHARLOTTE
(sarcastically)
Well, that’s good
enough for me…
What do you think,
Kath?
KATHY
I’m getting sleepy
already.