115
Continued from previous page…
KATHY
Even if they re-sod, they’re not
gonna find anything. The hole
is nice and deep.
CHARLOTTE
(still in disbelief)
I don’t believe this…
Seriously, Kathy, who did the
digging? I can’t believe it was
the five of you.
KATHY
Rocco did most of it. Actually,
we all pitched in. No pun intended.
CHARLOTTE
Oh, great.. Rocco did most of the
work.. Not only is he involved—
which makes me nervous enough—
but now he’s gonna want a big, fat
raise for doing extra work outside
of his contract.
KATHY
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Charlotte..
Always worried about the money.
CHARLOTTE
Aren’t you concerned that he
knows about it?
KATHY
Hey, I still think he did it!
CHARLOTTE
Ah, c’mon, Kathy.
KATHY
Well, who else could have pulled
the trigger? Figuratively speaking…
I mean, hey, I truly believe your
evil, little, body-double could have
pulled out a gun and blown Khudobin
away… But this guy was not shot…
He was killed some other way… And
I believe only a man could do that.
CHARLOTTE
You say there were no marks on him?
KATHY
Right, none.
CHARLOTTE
What about poison?
KATHY
We considered that.
CHARLOTTE
A woman could do that.
Kathy does not respond.
An indication that she
has been one-upped.
CHARLOTTE
(suspiciously)
You know, Kathy..
I’m confused about something.
Kathy must now rely on
her quick wit since
Charlotte bamboozled
her with that last comment.
KATHY
Aw, Charlotte, don’t be..
It’s really quite simple:
Ya’ see— The Tortoise won
the race because he was
diligent and determined..
While The Hare was a
cocky, little cuss…
Kathy stops because
Charlotte’s steady
glare causes her to do so.
CHARLOTTE
You’re a cocky, little cuss.
Kathy smiles.
CHARLOTTE
(continuing)
No.. what I wanna know is…
who cast the deciding vote?
KATHY
The deciding vote?
CHARLOTTE
You heard me… In this band,
we vote, right?
KATHY
Right.
CHARLOTTE
Remember.. Joan Rivers
pointed that out?
KATHY
I remember.
CHARLOTTE
Sooo.. who cast the deciding vote?
KATHY
How do you know it
wasn’t unanimous?
CHARLOTTE
You don’t even know what
I’m referring to, do you?
KATHY
I have a hunch… You wanna
know about burying the dead
body, don’t you?
Charlotte just nods in
agreement with big,
wide eyes and the
accompanying grin.
KATHY
Belinda did.
CHARLOTTE
Ahh, back to our felonious
frontwoman again.
KATHY
(defensively)
You don’t even know
how she voted.
CHARLOTTE
Well, let me break this
all down, if I may?
KATHY
Go ahead.. You’re all in
your glory right now.
CHARLOTTE
Wonderful… Okay.. let me see..
First.. I’m assuming that my evil,
conniving twin.. voted in favor of
having the poor bastard buried..
Am I right?
KATHY
Yes.
CHARLOTTE
Good.. That was an easy one…
Secondly… I’m also assuming that
Jane.. our “paranoid about everything”
creative genius… voted “no” for
exactly that same reason.
KATHY
With much intensity.
CHARLOTTE
Exactly… Okay.. that leaves
three of you left… (summing up) …
Now, Gina..
the premier smart-ass of the group..
besides you, of course… but, nonetheless,
a more sensible and smart person than her
public image personifies… couldn’t
possibly have approved of such a
monumentally stupid undertaking…
Am I right again?
KATHY
(beaten)
Right again.
CHARLOTTE
(triumphant)
WELL… KATHY… Simple math can
only lead to one conclusion…
Kathy waits for
an answer.
CHARLOTTE
You and Belinda… Which, by the way,
I think you two are secretly in love
with each other… both voted “yes”
to the monumentally stupid
undertaking !! How about that?!!
KATHY
We’re not in love with each other.
CHARLOTTE
Oh, well, don’t worry about that…
You can reveal that to the press at
some time in the future… But what
you can’t deny is.. that you voted to
bury a dead body in our back yard…
(seriously)
Why, Kathy?
Kathy pauses.
KATHY
(humbly)
I didn’t want to see our
family break up.
Charlotte herself, is humbled
by this statement. The girls
have always known how
Kathy feels about this. After
much deliberation, Charlotte
concedes.
CHARLOTTE
I see… It’s okay, Kath…
I understand… I know
how you feel.
KATHY
I don’t know why
Belinda voted for it.
CHARLOTTE
(in deep thought)
Probably for the same reason.
KATHY
(not sure)
Maybe.
CHARLOTTE
(after a long pause)
Well ! I guess that’s it…
What’s done is done…
I guess we have no choice but to
live with the consequences… If
there ever are any… We got a
dead body buried in our back
yard… How Go-Go’s like.
KATHY
I’m sorry, Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE
Oh, don’t be, baby.
(hugging Kathy)
You have nothing to be sorry for…
I understand why you did it…
I love you, honey.
KATHY
You’re in love with me too?
CHARLOTTE
Oh, shut up.
(releases her)
Sorry about that Belinda crack.
KATHY
It’s okay. A lot of
people think that.
Suddenly there is a
knock at the door.
CHARLOTTE
(startled)
Uh-oh.
KATHY
I think it’s time for our plan.
CHARLOTTE
Alright.. let’s do this.
Charlotte calls out.
CHARLOTTE
Who is it?!
VOICE
It’s me, my darling.
Charlotte readies herself.
CHARLOTTE
Come on in !
Mikkos enters.
MIKKOS
Well… did you two have
a nice reunion?
CHARLOTTE
Oh, yes.. very nice.
KATHY
Very nice. Thank you.
MIKKOS
You’re quite welcome.
CHARLOTTE
We’ve come to a conclusion.
MIKKOS
Oh, really? And what
might that be?
CHARLOTTE
Well.. with Kathy’s wise
perception… I’ve decided
to marry you.
Mikkos is stunned. He
smiles and looks at Kathy.
MIKKOS
You have?
CHARLOTTE
Yes.
Mikkos hugs Charlotte.
MIKKOS
Oh, my love… You’ve just made
me the happiest man in the world.
Charlotte gives Kathy
one, last, worried look.
Copyright 2023
by Clark Wright