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Continued from previous page…
GINA
Okay, get outta’ there.
Gina assists
Belinda in
getting out
of the trash bag.
BELINDA
Alright, now what?
GINA
I don’t know. We’ll have
to think of something.
BELINDA
Well, we better think of
something fast. We’re running
out of time and I’m losing
my patience.
Gina is somewhat
reluctant, but she
manages to say…
GINA
That’s because you’re
a shitty doctor.
This is the
cornball joke that
finally breaks the
camel’s back.
Gina starts laughing
uncontrollably and
Belinda has a half-smile
on her face.
BELINDA
(sarcastically)
Why am I friends with you?
Belinda’s sarcasm
only makes
Gina laugh harder.
GINA
(snorts)
I don’t know.
BELINDA
(continuing)
I’m serious, Gina… Ya’ know..
some band members are only
together for professional reasons.
They’re not actually friends…
But not me! OH, NO, not me!
No, no, I gotta’ be stupid enough
to be friends with ALL four of you!
Including one that wants to
steal my family!
GINA
(still laughing, of course)
I love it when you get mad.
BELINDA
(shaking her head)
Unbelievable…
This is fucking unbelievable..
Ya’ know, you laugh like a
Munchkin… You realize
that, don’t you?
GINA
(slowing down)
Yes, I do… I’m well
aware of that.
BELINDA
I’m serious, Gina. If we don’t
think of something fast, someone’s
gonna come in here and bust us.
You could get in trouble too.
GINA
Me? What could they
do to me?
BELINDA
I don’t know, but you’re impersonating
a housekeeper, for God’s sake.. and you
broke me out of those straps with a
paper clip!
GINA
Wow.. a housekeeper and a paper clip..
I could get twenty years for that.
BELINDA
Gina, please.. I don’t know what they’ll
do to you, but I know that I’ll
get punished for sure.
GINA
What will they do to you?
BELINDA
More dosage, for one! And don’t you
say a FUCKING word or I will kill you!
They won’t let me watch T.V. for a
week… They’ll cut off my desserts…
GINA
Whoa.. cut off your desserts.. That
is punishment for you.
BELINDA
You’re damn right it is….
So.. what’re we gonna do?
GINA
Gimme a minute.
BELINDA
We don’t have a minute.
Gina is pensively
pulling on her lip.
BELINDA
(whispering)
Hey! I got it…
GINA
What?
BELINDA
Why don’t you call up Jennifer
Ju-Ju-Bee and have her come over
here with a bunch of girls from
The Uterus and cause a big ruckus…
Then, we’ll just walk right out of here
amongst all the commotion.
GINA
That’s a good idea, but I can’t.
BELINDA
Why not?
GINA
Because Jennifer won’t take
orders from me. I’ve tried before.
BELINDA
That’s ridiculous! You’re a Go-Go!
GINA
It doesn’t matter. That nutty broad
only swears allegiance to Charlotte.
BELINDA
That is fucking ridiculous! I’m
Belinda Carlisle! I demand that that
bitch take orders from me!
GINA
It won’t do you any good!
I think Charlotte pays her.
BELINDA
Pays her?! To do what?!
GINA
To spy on people. To perform
certain tasks for her… You know,
ordinary looking chicks make
really good spies. I’m pretty sure
Charlotte has them spying on us.
BELINDA
(in disbelief)
Are you fucking kidding me?
GINA
Nope.. I’ve seen girls parked out
front of my house tons of time…
I’m pretty sure they’re from The Uterus.
BELINDA
OOOH !!! How dare she spy on me!!!
I am gonna kill her! When I get outta’
here, I am gonna kill her!
The whole time Belinda is ranting,
Gina has been looking out the
porthole of the door to the room.
GINA
Hey, Belinda, come over here.
BELINDA
What? What is it?
GINA
Look.. There’s a laundry chute.
Belinda looks out
the little window.
BELINDA
So?
GINA
It’s right next to the stairwell.
BELINDA
I don’t follow.
GINA
Doncha’ see? We’re on the first floor.
At the bottom of that laundry chute
is a room where all the laundry bags
pile up… And the stairwell is right next
to it! All we have to do is sneak across
the hallway, go down one flight of stairs,
and we can hide you out in the room
until we think of something else.
BELINDA
Yeah! Yeah! That’s perfect!
That’ll work, let’s go!
Gina unlatches
the deadbolt. Slowly,
their two heads peer
out into the hallway.
Naturally, Belinda’s
head is above Gina’s.
GINA
(whispering)
The coast is clear.
Let’s go.
The two of them
tip-toe across the
hallway and open
the stairwell door.
Unfortunately, they
immediately hear
a noise.
BELINDA
Someone’s coming!!
Lucy and Ethel
scurry back across
the hallway for the
room, but the door
won’t open, only adding
to the hilarity of the
situation. Gina slams
into Belinda from behind.
GINA
Open the door!!
BELINDA
I can’t! It’s stuck!
Gina, being the
genius that she is,
runs back across
the hallway, opens
up the hatch to the
laundry chute, and
looks into it. Luckily,
there is a big pile of
dirty laundry sitting
at the bottom. She
runs back, grabs Belinda
by the arm, and drags
her over to the chute.
BELNDA
What are you doing?!!
GINA
Get in that chute!!
BELINDA
Are you crazy?!! I’m not
getting in there!!
GINA
There’s a big pile of laundry at
the bottom! It’ll be a soft landing!
BELINDA
Gina, I am not getting in that chute!
GINA
Oh, yes you are!
Gina grabs Belinda
and, through a
heavy surge of
adrenaline, starts
stuffing Belinda
into the chute.
BELINDA
Gina, what’re you doing?! Gina, let
go of me! Gina, stop it! Gina —
WHAAAAAAAA !!
POOF!!
Belinda sails down the
chute and lands on a nice
pile of soft laundry. She
bounces up and glares at Gina.
GINA
(looking down the chute)
You alright, Fancy?
BELINDA
You idiot!!
You coulda’ killed me!
GINA
I’ll be right down!
Gina closes the
hatch to the chute.
All of a sudden,
she hears a woman’s
voice from behind.
VOICE
Excuse me.
Gina is startled.
She turns around
and spots a nurse’s
supervisor
approaching her.
GINA
(composing herself)
Oh.. Hello.
SUPERVISOR
Who are you?
GINA
Me? … My name is… Ilsa…
I’m with Housekeeping.
SUPERVISOR
What are you doing
with that chute?
GINA
(nervously)
Chute? What chute?
SUPERVISOR
(pointing)
That chute. Right there.
GINA
Oh, that chute, hahahaha…
I was just.. throwing a bag
of laundry down there.
SUPERVISOR
That’s not your job.
GINA
Oh, it isn’t? Oh.. well.. I didn’t
know that… Today’s my first day
on the job and… I was just trying
to help out.
SUPERVISOR
Are you cleaning
one of the rooms?
GINA
Yes… I’m cleaning several… In fact,
I’d better get back to work.
SUPERVISOR
What was that noise?
GINA
Noise? What noise? I didn’t
hear any singers screaming.
SUPERVISOR
I thought I heard a noise
coming from that chute.
GINA
Nope, I didn’t hear anything.
Probably just the sound of the
laundry.. screeching down the chute.
The supervisor
looks at Gina
suspiciously and
continues on her way.
SUPERVISOR
Well, don’t dawdle… Get these
rooms clean, and don’t forget to
spray the bathrooms with Lysol.
GINA
Yes, ma’am.
Gina turns to
walk away. As she
scurries away, she
mutters under
her breath…
GINA
How’d you like me to spray some
Lysol down your fuckin’ throat, lady.