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Continued from previous page…
BELINDA
What about my boobs?
GINA
The entire world loves
your boobs, Belinda.
BELINDA
That’s not what I meant, smart-ass.
I mean, they’re not gonna fit
underneath some man’s suit.
They’re too big. People are gonna
notice.
GINA
Boy, you are really full of
yourself today, aren’t ya?
Belinda glares at Gina.
GINA
That’s why I brought the
white overcoat. It’ll help
cover them up more.
BELINDA
Alright, alright, let’s just get this
show on the road. I wanna get out
of here. I’m starting to get nervous.
GINA
Okay.
Gina goes over to the cart and
picks up the bag. She brings it
back and places it on the bed.
She zips it open. There is an
extended pause.
GINA
Uh-oh.
BELINDA
What?
GINA
Uhhhh… I think I….
Belinda looks in the bag and
starts sorting through it.
BELINDA
Sweats… T-Shirt… Sports bra…
Tennis shoes… Gina, these are
your gym clothes!! Where is the
stupid suit?!!
GINA
I must have grabbed the
wrong bag.
BELINDA
(in anguish)
Omigod.
GINA
I went to the gym and worked out
before I came here… I put this in
the trunk next to the other bag…
I wasn’t thinking about… I guess…
Oh, Belinda, I’m sorry… I fucked up…
Majorly.
BELINDA
Yeah, I guess you did, Gina!
The two of them are momentarily
stunned into silence.
BELINDA
(pacing back and forth)
I’m never gonna get out of here…
I’m never gonna get out of here…
Don’t ya’ see, Gina.. They’re gonna
turn me into a vegetable… They’re
gonna turn me into a circus side-show…
They’re gonna cut out half my brain
and turn me into Jack Nicholson!
GINA
(shushing)
Shhh, shhh, they’re gonna hear you!
BELINDA
(whispering)
Well, I don’t care!! I’m not gonna
have them cut out my brain! That’s
not my style!
GINA
They’re not gonna do that.
BELINDA
How do you know?!!
GINA
Because you’re a celebrity. They don’t
do that stuff to big stars like you.
BELINDA
Yeah, well, so was Jack Nicholson.
GINA
Hey!! I got it! What about the cart?!
BELINDA
What about it?
GINA
You can get inside the trash bag!
BELINDA
What?!!
GINA
Yeah! You can squeeze down inside
the trash bag, and I’ll just roll you
right outta’ here like I’m finished
cleaning the room!
BELINDA
(pointing)
In this thing?!
GINA
Yeah!
BELINDA
Gina, I’m not gonna fit in there!
GINA
You might… I told ya, you’ve lost
a lot of weight since you’ve been in here.
BELINDA
I haven’t lost that much weight.
GINA
It’s worth a try… I’ll help
cram you in.
BELINDA
This is ridiculous.
GINA
Here… I’ll take out all the other
pieces of trash… You’ll be the
only piece of trash in there.
Belinda bluntly glares at Gina
because she’s waiting for Gina to
finish her joke. Belinda politely
offers her an option:
BELINDA
You wanna say your punchline
now, or do you wanna wait?
GINA
I’ll wait.
BELINDA
This is not gonna work.
GINA
Put on my gym clothes. You’ll
be more comfortable in them.
BELINDA
I’m not gonna fit in your
gym clothes either.
GINA
Wait… Maybe we should see
if you fit first. Just leave your
gown on for now… Is it tied
in the back?
Gina looks at Belinda’s back
to see if the gown is tied.
GINA
Wow, Belinda, you got
a nice butt.
BELINDA
You think so?
GINA
Yeah, you got the little love-handles
at the bottom… We should get a black
Magic Marker and draw a smiley-face…
BELINDA
GINA!!!
GINA
Alright, alright, never mind that.
Get up on the bed and I’ll wheel
the cart over.
BELINDA
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Belinda stands up on the bed
and slowly inches her foot
into the bag.
GINA
The cart is on wheels, so be careful.
Belinda eventually tries to
lower herself into the bag.
BELINDA
Gina, I don’t fit.
GINA
Yes, you will.
BELINDA
Gina, I don’t fit!
GINA
Here, I’ll help you.
Gina starts shoving on Belinda’s
head like she is trying to pack
a suitcase.
GINA
Get… in… there… Carlisle…
BELINDA
Oww!! Oww!! You’re
hurting my neck!!
GINA
You’re almost in!
BELINDA
No, I’m not!!
Belinda pops out of the bag
and puts her hands on her hips.
BELINDA
(angrily)
I told you I didn’t fit in there!
GINA
We almost had it!
BELINDA
No, we didn’t, you moron!