98
Continued from previous page…
BELINDA
Gina, you’re not going to be able
to get me out of here. I’m strapped
in and there’s locks at the end of the
straps. You need a key. You don’t
have a key, do you?
GINA
That’s alright. I figured you were
locked in. But never fear.. I’ve got
my trusty paper clip. I’ll get you
outta’ here.
BELINDA
A paper clip?! Gina, you can’t open
a lock with a paper clip. That’s
an urban myth.
GINA
Oh, yeah, watch this.
Sure enough,
after a bit of
fumbling, one
of the locks opens.
BELINDA
(soft tone)
On the other hand, you are kind
of mythological.
GINA
See, what did I tell ya?
BELINDA
That was amazing! How did you
learn how to do that?!
GINA
Learned that from Colleen
Hillenmocker back in the
seventh grade.
BELINDA
(undoing the straps)
Colleen Hi….?
You know… Gina….
one of these days…. you are
gonna have to introduce me….
to some of these… hoodlum
friends… you used to hang
around with…. Are any of
them normal?
GINA
(assisting her)
Not many… In fact…
one of em’s in here, I think.
After opening up
all the locks and
undoing the straps,
Belinda pops out of
the bed and spreads
her arms out as
if to say — “Ta-da!”
Her and Gina embrace.
BELINDA
That was incredible! I can’t
believe you did that!
GINA
(modestly)
Yeah, well, I’m a woman of many
talents…. Wow, you’ve lost a lot
of weight since you’ve been in here!
BELINDA
You think so?
GINA
Yeah! I can tell even through
that gown you’re wearing.
BELINDA
Yeah, well, that’s what happens
when you’re given a steady dose
of narcotics.
GINA
So, it’s just like
normal then, huh?
Hahahaha.
BELINDA
(mockingly)
Eh, heh, heh, heh, you’re so funny.
You’re about as funny as a crutch.
GINA
I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist
on that one.
BELINDA
Okay, so what’s your plan,
Miss Carol Burnett?
GINA
Alright, here’s what we came up with.
I brought a suit and tie in my supply
bag over there on the cart. We dress
you up in the suit and tie and give you
a moustache to wear. I also got a name
tag with a doctor’s name on it. We pull
your hair back… and you just walk right
out of here like you’re a doctor. I even
got one of those white overcoats to
wear if you want.
BELINDA
(arms folded, face scrunched)
That’s it? That’s your big plan? That’s
what took you and Jane and Kathy
three months to come up with?
GINA
Hey, I think it’s pretty good! We got
other things to think about, ya know.
We’ve been under a lot of stress lately.
BELINDA
Stress? What stress?
GINA
The three of us entered a pie eating
contest. We had to train. You don’t just
walk into one of those things and think
you’re going to win without training,
believe me.
BELINDA
(incredulous)
So… I’m cooped-up in this insane asylum
for the last three months.. which you knew
about.. all three of you.. AND you knew
who put me in here… and you entered a pie
eating contest with that knowledge?
GINA
Belinda.. they were cherry pies
instead of blueberry pies.
BELINDA
(contemplates)
Okay, I can see that.
Oh, man!!
Please tell me I did
NOT use that old gag?!!
GINA
Kathy came in second.
BELINDA
Okay, I can see that too.
GINA
So, you don’t like our plan?
BELINDA
Gina, this is ridiculous. How can
I pass for a man?
GINA
Let em’ hear your voice.
Hahaha.
BELINDA
(irritated)
Gina, I am gonna punch you in
the fuckin’ face if you don’t stop it.
GINA
I’m sorry… I couldn’t resist on
that one either.