85
Wednesday, June 18th, 1986, 12:53 P.M.
Jane walked out onto the driveway of her home and put on her sunglasses. She gazed up at the bright, blue skies of southern California and wondered how so many dark clouds could be hanging over her head. It was 78 degrees, a near-perfect day in Los Angeles, but Jane was feeling anything less than perfect.
On the bright side, the lump behind her ear was officially diagnosed as a sebaceous cyst by Dr. Stamkos’s office. It was completely benign, but, nevertheless, had to be removed as soon as possible in order to eliminate the possibilities of infection or any other complications. Jane scheduled an appointment to have it removed in two weeks. She was understandably relieved.
Now it was on to other business.
She hopped into her brand-new Jeep Wrangler and fired up the engine. She was wearing her David Bowie T-Shirt, jeans, and her black, hiking boots. She looked like she was ready to kick some ass in the pit.
Jane had come to adore her Jeeps. It was the second production model she had bought in the last three years as she began contemplating the purchases of many other years and models in order to start a collection. She even considered buying some of the Army models at auction. She loved the action of the clutch and the stick-shift. They made her fell cool and rugged— a side of Jane Wiedlin the television viewing public rarely had the chance to catch a glimpse of. Normally, all they saw were bright colors and pastels.
Plus, they were the perfect vehicles for her and Belinda to go off-roading and hiking in.
When she arrived at Kathy’s house, Kathy seemed more relaxed than she expected. Jane was hoping for a calm demeanor, but a side of her was also hoping that someone might be as anxiety-ridden as her.
KATHY
(opening the door)
Hey, buddy, come on in.
JANE
Hey.. What’s goin’ on?
KATHY
Nothing. Just waiting for you.
How was the ride over?
JANE
Fine.. Beautiful day out.
KATHY
Oh, I know. I was hoping to go
for a walk later… Why’d you
blow me off yesterday?
JANE
I told you, I had to go to
the doctor’s office.
KATHY
Oh, that’s right! I totally
forgot. Sorry.. must’ve
slipped my mind… How is
everything? It wasn’t an
emergency or anything,
was it?
JANE
Kind of.
KATHY
Really?! What’s wrong?!
Are you alright?!
JANE
Yeah, I’m okay…
Check this out.
Jane pulls
back her hair
and shows
Kathy her cyst.
KATHY
OH, GROSS!!
What the fuck
is that?!!
JANE
It’s called a sebaceous cyst..
It’s relatively harmless…
And thanks for calling it
gross, Kathy.. That makes me
feel a hell of a lot better.
KATHY
Well, I’ve never seen
that before! Don’t come
into my house and show
me some.. grotesque pimple
on the back of your head
and expect me not to
react accordingly.
JANE
(laughing)
I love the way you
talk, Kathy.. If nothing
else, you are hilarious.
KATHY
How did you
get that?
JANE
(sarcastically)
From coming in contact
with you.. I don’t know
how you get em! You just
get em! You get em’ from
the oils in your skin and
the oils in your hair and shit.
They’re actually pretty common.
KATHY
So what are
you gonna do?
JANE
I’m gonna have
it removed in a
couple of weeks.
KATHY
Surgery?
JANE
No.. Just a simple,
out-patient procedure.
KATHY
Oh.. Well, you don’t have to go
to the doctor for that. I’ll get a
straw and my Buck knife. We’ll
cut that baby open and I’ll suck
the pus out.
JANE
(disgusted)
Eww.. Kathy..
KATHY
What’s it called again?
JANE
A sebaceous cyst.
KATHY
(contemplating)
Sebaceous cyst…
That’s a great name
for a band.
JANE
Kathy, will you be serious
for once in your life?
KATHY
I am! That’s a great name
for a band!
JANE
Speaking of bands..
Have you heard
from anyone?
KATHY
No, I haven’t.
Just you.
JANE
Ah, Kath, I am so scared…
I just know we’re gonna
get caught.. What are we
gonna do?
KATHY
I don’t know, but
we’ve also got some
bigger fish to fry.
JANE
What?
KATHY
There’s something
else that’s fishy.
JANE
You got a hankerin’
for some tuna steaks
or something?
KATHY
Huh?
JANE
You’re getting your fish
metaphors all mixed up.
KATHY
What?.. Oh.. yeah.. sorry.
I just got something really
important to show you.
JANE
What? …
What is it?
KATHY
Come over here
and look at this.
Kathy walks
over to her end
table and picks
up Charlotte’s
bracelet.
JANE
Hey!
That’s Charlotte’s bracelet!
The one we gave her!
What’s it doing here?
KATHY
That’s what I’d
like to know.