63
Saturday, June 7th, 1986, 11:44 A.M.
Like almost every day of her life, Charlotte was an inferno of energy. The adrenaline rushes that surged through her body at any given moment were enough to fuel an entire room of people at the same time. This Saturday morning was one of those times. She tore down Highway 10 towards Palm Springs like a madman, unable to slow down or even contemplate any of the things that were going on in her mind. After being lucky enough to catch the entire version of “Space Station #5” by Montrose on the radio, she just blurted out to herself—
“Fuckin’ aye, my life is good!”
She paused for a few seconds, then said it again—
“It is sooo fucking good!”
Those sentiments about herself continued down the highway, as she flipped the dial on her radio and was now rocking out over at The Casbah. The famous song by The Clash made many people in the free world conjure up images of disgruntled Arabs, waving AK-47’s into the air, while U.S. warplanes screeched overhead.
But, for Charlotte, the romantic ballad reminded her of the time she was proposed marriage by the Saudi Prince— Farted Reolly-bad.
The proposal of marriage was given to her at the Go-Go’s annual “Sympathy for New Jersey Celebrity Gala,” held every year at the compound.
Torrey Krug, a member of the State Department and a good friend of Myles, had asked him if he could invite The Prince to the gala as a gesture of good faith in U.S./ Saudi relations. Myles informed him that he would have to clear it with the top member of the Go-Go’s.
Jane could really give two shits if The Prince came to the party or not. She informed Myles, in no uncertain terms, that she was not interested in international diplomacy.
However, it didn’t take long for The Prince to take a liking to Charlotte.
Whether or not he had ulterior motives behind the proposal would remain to be seen till the end of time. Charlotte turned him down flat, resulting in The Prince storming off the property with his entourage in a fit of rage. She never saw or heard from him ever again. She knew she had insulted his pride and probably his culture by turning him down, but, as a businesswoman, she was also slightly suspicious of his motivations.
It was a well known fact in the news that The Prince was also interested in California real estate and had made various purchases in The San Fernando Valley over the past several years. The Go-Go’s estate and mansion had just been listed in Forbes Magazine as the sixth most expensive private housing residency in America, and The Prince was obviously intrigued. Before she had even met with The Royal Ugly Dude, one of his aides asked Charlotte if the Go-Go’s were interested in selling their little hideaway for three times the current valuation. It was a tempting offer considering the huge turnaround, but was also met with a resounding “no” from all five members of the band. It was just too beautiful a piece of property to let go. The girls wanted to keep it for themselves for the rest of their lives.
The Go-Go’s instigated their patriotic duty and took a stand for “Team U.S.A.”
Their words and actions were basically a way of telling those scheming interlopers to take a hike; that California was not for sale to wealthy, outside oil-barons, who just wanted to exploit America and buy it up.
The Go-Go’s wanted to do that themselves.
Recalling this prideful memory caused Charlotte to plaster a smug grin on her face as she sped down the highway.
Unfortunately, her persistent speeding entitled Charlotte to be faced with a more current, “domestic threat” as she raced her Mercedes down the freeway.
Zipping over the top of a mountain way, Charlotte spotted the familiar, light-brown, uniform of a dreaded California Highway Patrolman sitting on his motorcycle shooting radar.
Instantly applying the brakes— a reactionary move that all motorists do, she looked in her rear-view-mirror to see if he would pull out and send chills up and down her spine.
Oh— You know he did.
After following behind her for about a mile, (why do they wait so long?) Officer Friendly flashed those freakishly weird, orange lights, and Charlotte was now transformed from her previous state of rock and roll euphoria, into the more immediate world of harsh reality.
She was being pulled over.
The police officer
does the classic,
sauntering walk
up to Charlotte’s
car and knocks on
the window with
his knuckle.
CHARLOTTE
(rolling down her window)
Hello, Officer.
OFFICER
Good morning, ma’am…
May I see your license
and registration, please.
Charlotte digs
out the appropriate
identification.
OFFICER
Do you have any idea
how fast you were going?
CHARLOTTE
Well, I assume I was
going only.. like …
40 or 50?
OFFICER
No, ma’am,
more like ninety.
CHARLOTTE
Well, that’s close
enough, isn’t it?
Officer Friendly is
about to discover
a famous person!
OFFICER
Hey, I know you!
You’re famous, aren’t you?!!
CHARLOTTE
(humbly)
Well…
OFFICER
You do those commercials
for Mop n’ Glo, don’t you?
CHARLOTTE
What?!!
OFFICER
Ya’ know,
(starts to sing)
“If you want your floors looking
shiny and bright”…
CHARLOTTE
Yeah! I know the jingle!
No, I don’t do commercials.
Jeezus, dude! I’m Charlotte
Caffey.
OFFICER
Who?
CHARLOTTE
Oh, for God’s sake.
Charlotte Caffey…
From the Go-Go’s?
OFFICER
Oh… OHH!! THE
GO-GO’S!!
Oh, my goodness, I’m
sorry!! The Go-Go’s!!
CHARLOTTE
Yes!
OFFICER
Oh, my God! Yes, I know
the Go-Go’s.. Thursday nights,
9:30… on channel two.
You’re talking about
Gina Schock !!
CHARLOTTE
(unimpressed)
Yeah, that’s us—
Gina Schock.
OFFICER
OH, MY GOD!! GINA SCHOCK!!
WOW, DUDE! Hey, is she that
funny in real life?!!
CHARLOTTE
Oh, she’s a barrel of laughs… 24/7.
Sometimes I could use a little
Mop n’ Glo to clean up her puke.
OFFICER
Ohh! Hahaha, that’s funny, clean
up her puke…
(imitates Gina)
“Yeah, I kne-eww what you mean..
Get it? I kne-eww what you mean.”
CHARLOTTE
Oh, I get it.. Yeah, that
was very good.
Very funny..
You’re a regular Rich Little.
OFFICER
Yeah, we do impersonations
of her all the time
down at the precinct.
CHARLOTTE
Really.
OFFICER
Oh, sure.. Yeah, a couple
of the female officers on
the force really like her.
CHARLOTTE
No kidding? Now there’s a Schocker.
Huh, huh, huh, Get it?
But, I guess you cops are born with
those extra powers of deduction.
OFFICER
(dumbfounded)
Excuse me?
CHARLOTTE
Never mind.
Look, officer…
OFFICER
Landeskog.
CHARLOTTE
Landeskog… I’m in
a bit of a hurry.
So, if you could just…
OFFICER LANDESKOG
Hey! And how bout’
that Belinda Carlisle, huh?
Now, there’s a looker.
Can you believe how
beautiful she is?
CHARLOTTE
(through her teeth)
I’m amazed.. constantly.
OFFICER LANDESKOG
Yeah, boy…
Do you know her, too?
Talk about laughs.
Charlotte is now
making a face that
would put Jerry Lewis
to shame. She cannot
believe how stupid
this cop is.
CHARLOTTE
(astonished)
Do I know her?
OFFICER LANDESKOG
Do you ever just marvel
somedays at her natural
beauty? I’ll bet she doesn’t
wear any makeup.
CHARLOTTE
Sometimes I’m in a world of
disbelief… Right now would
be one of those times.
OFFICER LANDESKOG
Yeah, Officer McKinnon
took down his poster
of Farrah Fawcett and
replaced it with a poster
of Belinda.
CHARLOTTE
(had enough)
LOOK!! Officer Landeskog!!
I’m thrilled.. really, I am!
That you and your fellow
oinkers down at the precinct..
are so enamored with
everyone ELSE in my
band! … But, could you
please just tell me if you’re
going to give me a
ticket or not?
OFFICER LANDESKOG
Well, normally, when a
person does thirty-five
miles per hour over the
posted speed limit, that
is grounds for a citation…
But… seeing as how
you know Gina Schock
and Belinda Carlisle…
Charlotte drops
her forehead down
on the steering
wheel in disbelief.
OFFICER LANDESKOG
… I suppose we can
let it go with just
a warning.
CHARLOTTE
Thank you, officer.
OFFICER LANDESKOG
No problem…
You take care now,
Miss Coffee… And try and
ease up on that
gas pedal, okay?
CHARLOTTE
I will.
OFFICER LANDESKOG
You know, I forgot to ask you..
Are you on the show too?
Are you part of the crew?
Charlotte drops
her gearshift
into DRIVE
and peels off.
CHARLOTTE
(calling back)
Thank you, officer!
You’ve really made my day!
OFFICER LANDESKOG
(waving goodbye)
AND THANK YOU, MRS. DAFFY!!!
SAY HELLO TO EVERYONE!!!