43
Continued from previous page…
SUSANNA
Hello, Kathy. I see
you got your hair stuck
in the ceiling fan again.
America never
tires of Kathy’s
hair jokes.
KATHY
Very funny. I’ll have
you know, this is the
cornucopia look– which
I invented.
Susanna is
surprised at
Kathy’s self-
deprecating
comment.
SUSANNA
Oh, really?
Yeah, I thought I
saw a corncob sticking
out of there somewhere.
The audience
yelps with
laughter.
KATHY
You know, Susanna,
it’s not polite to drop by
people’s houses unannounced.
SUSANNA
Yes, I’m aware of that…
But, the thing that you’re
forgetting is that it’s not
polite to drop by PEOPLE’S
houses unannounced. I’m
afraid you girls don’t qualify.
The audience
goes “oooooh.”
JANE
You know, Susanna,
if you came over here
just to insult us, I’m
afraid you came to the
wrong place.
GINA
Yeah, we don’t
need your insults.
SUSANNA
Oh, no?
GINA
No.. We got plenty
of people to insult us.
The audience
laughs as Jane
backhands Gina
in the arm, letting
her know that her
input is not helping.
SUSANNA
No, no.. I didn’t come
over here JUST to
insult you… I’m well
aware that I’ve got
company in that department—
Thank you, Gina.
Gina smiles
contently as
Jane rolls
her eyes at her.
SUSANNA
No, I just came over
here to spread the
word of good cheer…
Susanna slowly
saunters her way
over to Belinda,
her chief rival, and
eyeballs her up and
down. However,
Belinda is considerably
taller than Susanna,
giving Belinda the
psychological edge.
SUSANNA
Hello, Belinda.
BELINDA
Hello.
SUSANNA
You know, Belinda…
I was just wondering…
Have you had a chance to
look at the charts recently?
BELINDA
No, I’m afraid I don’t
concern myself
with those types of…
petty issues.
SUSANNA
Cuz’ it seems to me…
The last time I looked…
“Manic Monday” had gone
all the way up to number
two on the charts… And when
I looked for a song from
the Go-Go’s…
I couldn’t find anything.
Belinda glares
menacingly at
Susanna. The
audience goes
“ooooh” again.
The ratings are
soaring by the minute!!
BELINDA
(angrily)
We’re working on it.
KATHY
Yeah, why don’t you
knock it off, Susanna,
before we bounce you
outta’ here.
JANE
Yeah, beat it, Susanna,
if you know what’s
good for you.
SUSANNA
Oooh, you really got
me scared… I’m just
quaking in my boots…
You honestly think I’m
scared of you, you…
Cocoa Puff eaters?
Susanna is
responding to
the box of Cocoa
Puffs sitting on
the table.
CUT TO:
A shot of Kathy with
her arms folded,
looking perplexed.
SUSANNA
Besides, I’ve got bigger
fish to fry… and I
haven’t spoken my piece yet.
KATHY
Well, we could care less.
JANE
Yeah, I’d like to know
why you think we could
possibly be interested in
anything you have to say
right now?
GINA
I’d like to know
how she knew I
had Cocoa Puffs
for breakfast?