116
Saturday, August 28th, 1982, 6:42 A.M.
It was hard for Belinda to sleep on most nights, especially at this point in her adventurous life. She tossed and turned, flipping the pillow over to find the cool side, while constantly trying to find a comfortable position that might make her ease off into Slumberland. It was a mostly futile endeavor. Her anxiety was clearly warranted, of course, as she was zeroing in on the launching date of the Go-Go’s half-hour sitcom, all set to premier on September 9th. She had relatively convinced herself that the show would be a success based on the general nature of the program. She knew that her band was likeable and attractive, and also knew that the Go-Go’s Top-Forty sound would naturally appeal to the average American viewer.
What she wasn’t convinced of, however, was her ability to be a believable and competent actress.
There were times when she would say to herself, “Ah, don’t worry about it. It’s a sitcom. Everyone’s a shitty actor.”
But those assessments were quickly followed by her desire to be a true professional. She never wanted herself to be considered a hack at anything, going all the way back to her teenage days as a babysitter. And, obviously, babysitting paled in comparison to being a professional performer. If people thought she was a shitty actress, what would prevent them from thinking that she was a shitty singer? It was a chance she refused to take.
So, as a result, she worked harder and harder at her craft. She took acting lessons religiously, listened intently to her dialogue coach, and tried as hard as she could to immerse herself in the entire process.
But it was no use.
By the time the premier was in sight, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she just wasn’t good enough for television. It was these feelings that resulted in the aforementioned sleepless nights, as if she needed some other additional calamity to inflict her already worrisome condition.
Oftentimes, her only relief was the result of crying herself to sleep.
Luckily for Belinda, moreover, her imaginative co-founder was pretty much in the same boat.
Jane was equally as worried about the whole mess, albeit for minutely different reasons. To find comfort from their mental anguish, the two of them would often lean on each other, each discussing their own level of insecurity, whilst finding much needed solace in each other’s embrace.
They were a delightfully whacked-out twosome.
But, while Jane worried about life for a myriad of joyful reasons, Belinda could always find strength from another one of her long list of concerns:
Her velvety, soft flesh.
Or — her excess amount thereof.
Belinda’s struggles with her weight could be traced all the way back to her childhood. The torment she endured from some of her more crueler classmates would haunt her for the rest of her life. She remembered a few of them in particular, and would often wonder if some of them received the proper amount of retribution that they deserved at some point in their lives.
Of course, the greatest form of revenge would always come from her ability to say — “Hah!” Look at me now, fuckers!”
But that was then and this was now. Her weight gains were not going to magically disappear just because she was an upcoming television and accompanying pop-star. She would have to continue to deal with them for years to come. She would also have to deal with them in a realistic, pragmatic fashion. Eventually, like anyone else, one of her solutions was to exercise like a madman and watch what she put in her stomach; the latter of which she hated with a passion. Not only did she love pizza, but chocolate and ice cream as well.
Unfortunately, she also started driving the people around her crazy with tales of her exercising exploits, describing her sweaty mechanics in vivid detail, and causing her listeners to suddenly remember that they had important engagement to attend to. She even lost one of her boyfriends by yacking up the same shit on the phone.
Life can be such a learning experience.
But, despite all the circumstances, Belinda would soon learn that that very same life would repay her in an innumerable amount of ways. As it would ultimately turn out, her nagging anxieties about her acting prowess and her constant fears of turning into “Belimpa” were all for naught. Soon she would discover how much the world loved and adored her, as well as the rest of the Go-Go’s, and how much a person really doesn’t have to perform to the level of Laurence Olivier to achieve stardom from a sitcom. She gradually accepted the role of superstar and watched her fears and her weight slowly melt away.
And she enjoyed some chocolate and ice cream along the way.